Transitioning into a New Team and Culture as a CxO

Congratulations!  You are transitioning into a new company and a new role as a C-Suite executive.  For the first few days, you’re likely to be swamped in a flurry of welcomes and introductions, mandatory trainings, and IT set-up.

But after that, then comes the real action.  Time to get down to business.

...right?

Maybe not quite as much.  Companies are finding that their onboarding processes fail to set up their new CxOs for success.  Why?  Onboarding almost never addresses intangibles like culture, politics, and relationships.  If you aren’t given clear knowledge on these items, you may struggle to effectively manage your team, make successful decisions, or garner buy-in for your decisions.  For example:

• Will your firm stick to tradiition, despite the appearance of a promising but novel business idea? (This might be good to know before you pitch your promising but novel business.)

• Your firm might provide you with a company card, but what if the CFO looks down on you for flying first class instead of economy? (And what if the CFO is one of the first people you need to ask for clearance on a high-investment project? This specific scenario may not happen, but other similar faux pas happen frequently.)

• How do you address conflict?  The plaque on the wall says your firm values “open honesty”, but your team historically has addressed conflict passively.

• Who in the firm has real decision-making power?  The director?  Or the administrative assistant who stands behind the director?

Without knowing the answer to questions like these, new CxOs quickly find themselves tangled in an invisible web of red tape, maneuvering, and strategic and operational mishaps.  Nearly half of new CxOs fail within their first 18 months.  The reason?  “A poor grasp of how the organization works,” said 70% of respondents in a global survey of 500+ chief executives.  Another 65% said, “Cultural misfit.”  The third reason listed by 57% of respondents said, “Difficulty forging alliances with peers.”

The question then is: how do you successfully transition into a new team and a new culture as a CxO?  How do you manage, communicate to, and incentivize your new team?  How do you adjust to the micro-culture within your department?  How do you know what key stakeholders really value?  Here are 7 actionable tips to get you started.

1. Set relational goals.

   Frankly, the only way to learn about a company’s intangibles is to immerse yourself in them.  That means connecting with your firm’s people.  (If you’re an introvert, this also means going slowly and steadily and scheduling plenty of re-charge time for yourself.  If you’re an extrovert, this means evaluating who talks more in the meeting: you or them?  You can’t learn without listening!)

   You may be set up for some mandatory meetings within the first couple weeks.  But create your own goals for the first 90 days of employment.  While you yourself may not need the full 90 days to feel situated, others might.  Keep in mind those who are naturally reserved or shy.  And remember that you are about as high in the company as you can go.  Unfortunately, unless your company’s culture is truly unique, those around you will likely feel a power differential which can only be overcome by boosting familiarity, predictability, and mutual trust. 

   Organize in the way that works best for you:

   • Consider organizing by type of interaction: informal and formal, spontaneous and planned. For example, every week, plan to have:

     • 3 lunches

     • 10 hallway conversations

     • 1 team meeting

     • 3 one-on-one’s

   • Consider organizing by role. If you have an organization chart, use that to guide you. For example, every week, plan to have:

     • 5 meetings with direct reports

     • 2 meetings with other C-Suite executives

     • 2 meetings with Board members

     • 1 meeting with someone from HR, finance/accounting, IT, R&D, and Supply Chain each

   • Consider organizing by time. For example, plan to interact with people for:

     • 30 minutes each Monday

     • 1 hour each Tuesday

     • 3 hours each Wednesday

     • 30 minutes each Thursday

     • 3 hours each Friday

   Lastly, remember that you cannot only gravitate towards those who are like you or those who make you feel welcomed.  In order to effectively grasp your firm’s culture and politics, you need to talk especially to the marginalized, underrepresented, and introverted to see their view of the company as well.  Otherwise, you may find yourself in an unhelpful echo-chamber.

2. Plan your meeting content.

   What do you actually discuss in meetings?  Asking questions around someone’s family and recreations is a great place to start for casual conversations.  Learning about someone’s life - both outside of work and before you met them - helps build trusting relationships authentically.

   You may also want to target your conversations for your transition.  Consider these questions:

   With your direct reports:

   • “Where did you work before here?  How well did you like those jobs and companies?  What did you like and dislike about them?  What led you to work here?”

   • “What are your career aspirations?  Why do you come to work every day?”

   • “Describe for me the ideal manager.”  (Then incorporate what you hear into your leadership!  You should ask repeatedly and specifically for constructive feedback, giving spaces to hash out awkwardness and miscommunications.  But many employees, especially direct reports, will not initially feel comfortable enough to respond honestly.  Use this question for feedback that won’t put your direct reports on the spot.)

   • “What kind of support do you need?  How can I help you succeed?”

   • “Can you describe for me your personality?  How would friends and family describe your personality?”

   • “What is ‘normal protocol’ in the company?  Are there specific ‘correct procedures’ that need to be followed?  What is ‘right’ and ‘wrong’?”

   With other CxOs and Board members:

   • “How will success in my new role be defined?  How will you know when I’ve adjusted?”

   • “What is most needed of me in the first quarter, the first year, and the first 5 years?”

   • “Are there other key stakeholders who may not be obvious?  If so, who?”

   • “What information do I need from you to be able to do the best job I can?”

   • “Here is what kind of behavior on the board’s part that would best enable me to have a trusting relationship at board meetings, between us, and in one-on-one conversations.”

3. Create an organization plan.

   Before you set off on the above, decide how you are going to track and organize the sudden influx of information.  Take a look at the following questions and have an answer prepared for each of them.

   • How will you track to-do’s?

   • How will you prioritize them?

   • How will you track your meetings?

     • Which meetings have you already had?

     • Which ones do you still need to have?

     • How will you know the agenda of each meeting?

     • How will you track the information you receive in each meeting?

   • How will you remember everyone’s names the first time and connect key information about them to them?

4. Work with a Coach.

   One of the greatest obstacles new C-Suite executives face is their own eagerness.  After all, you were hired for a reason.  In the selection process, you likely asked insightful questions and challenged inefficiencies.  Now you’re ready to get your hands dirty.

   But the intangibles take time.  No one can adequately describe the extent of their company’s culture in a day.  No one can build high-performing teams in a week.  As discussed earlier, taking drastic action before you know your firm’s intangibles can easily result in failure.

   You need patience, but you also need to prove that you can take action and make progress on your goals.  A good coach will help you nail that balance.

   Other benefits?  A coach will be key to helping you apply your individual goals to your new role.  A coach will also help you navigate any tricky politics you may immediately encounter.  And a coach can help level up your team.

5. Work alongside your predecessor.

   Tie up any loose strings with your predecessor and gain some insightful info at the same time.  Questions to ask include:

   • “What worked well?  What worked poorly?”

   • “What were you working on before I came?  How will those tasks be completed?  Will we be viewed as true partners by the Board?  Will we collaborate?  Will the tasks be dropped?”

   • “What is the company accustomed to experiencing from you?”  (If possible, take a look at their personality.)

   • “Who did you normally talk to for issues with [fill-in-the-blank]?”

   • “What is ‘normal protocol’ in the company?  Are there specific ‘correct procedures’ that need to be followed?  What is ‘right’ and ‘wrong’?”

   You may not be able to fully work alongside your predecessor, but a coffee or lunch is still extremely valuable.  If you unfortunately cannot contact your predecessor at all, a mentor or sponsor is your next best bet.

6. Work with a mentor or sponsor.

   Some companies have begun to provide mentors or sponsors to help you learn the intangibles.  If you were not given one, ask your hiring team to point you to a long-standing employee, someone who can and is eager to help you understand the answers to any of your questions.  (Make sure to thank your mentor or sponsor properly!)

7. Talk to the CHRO.

   The CHRO (assuming that is not you) will be one of your greatest assets in transitioning successfully.  (If you are the CHRO, talk to the team that hired you.)  Ask your CHRO questions like:

   • “What attributes do I possess that resulted in me being selected for this new role?”

   • “What attributes do I still need to develop or enhance?”

   • “Do you have a clear job description that has buy-in from key stakeholders?”  Get as much clarity on areas of responsibility, authority, and decision rights as possible.

   • “Can I have...

     • Key information (mission, values, history)

     • Financial information

     • An organization chart and contacts list

     • A list of key acronyms

     • The resumes of my direct reports?”

   • “What is ‘normal protocol’ in the company?  Are there specific ‘correct procedures’ that need to be followed?  What is ‘right’ and ‘wrong’?”

Starting a new job anywhere is exciting! I hope these tips help you succeed as a new CxO. If you have any further questions, please feel free to reach out at megan@ryancbailey.com. Always happy to help.

---

Megan Koh is a Career Development Coach, with over 7 years of experience in helping others find and achieve their dream jobs.  She lives south of Atlanta and is married to her sweetheart Danny.

Help! My Employees Want to Stay Unemployed!

At long last!  Several months after COVID-19 first hit the United States, businesses are beginning to reopen.  Strict quarantine rules are slowly being phased back as more people venture out for dining, personal care services, and recreation.

What does this mean for you?  As your company redesigns for social distancing and cleaning requirements, you may need to figure out how to re-staff.

But here’s the crux of the problem.  State unemployment benefits have risen dramatically in light of COVID-19 ($978 on average this year, compared to $378 on average last year).  And the federal CARES Act has been supplying all unemployed workers with an additional $600 per week, provided they are unemployed as a direct result of COVID-19.  As a result, around half of all workers in the United States are more financially incentivized to stay unemployed than to return to work.

If you run a company or have a hand in your firm’s HR strategy, you may struggle to get old or new staff members to fill positions.  So the purpose of this blog post is to give you 4 ways to encourage your eligible workforce to come back to work.

1. Create non-monetary incentives.

Let’s start off with some hope-giving statistics:

• 89% of bosses believe employees quit because they want more money.  But reality says that only 12% of employees switch jobs for a pay raise.

• American workers said they would be willing to give up 23% of their entire future lifetime earnings for a job that was always meaningful in a survey of 2,000+ participants.

• In a study conducted by Glassdoor, the top predictor of workplace satisfaction was not pay across all income levels.

In other words, money may not be the primary reason why employees are staying away from work.  Especially when you factor in the perilous effects of quarantine boredom (i.e. a high correlation with depression, anxiety, and drug and alcohol abuse), your eligible workforce may be more ready to return than you’d expect.  Thinking strategically, you can create some truly compelling non-monetary incentives, which may work even better than upping wages.  Here are a few suggestions:

• Of course, let your eligible workforce know that you care about their health.  Follow OSHA guidelines.  But then also hold open conversations with previous staff members about what safety concerns they might have around returning.  What else can you do to give your team peace of mind?  Do they want frequent breaks to wash their hands?  Do they want you to provide high-quality masks?  Create a workplace that ensures your staff members don’t feel threatened to return.

• The CARES Act ends July 31st.  At that point, millions of Americans will be swarming back to work, unable to support themselves entirely on state unemployment benefits.  Let your old team know that you want them to have a secure job with you when that time comes.  Let them know that you want them specifically and give them reasons why.  For example, “Ian, no matter how busy and chaotic work is, your humor and optimism always make the day better for everyone,” or, “Sally, you work tirelessly and quietly, ensuring everything goes off without a hitch from the background.  Without you, we would never be able to run as smoothly as we do.”  Recognition is the #1 motivator of work productivity, whereas a pay raise ranks at only #5.  (And this goes without saying, but make sure your praise is genuine.  Flattery is unethical, easily detected, and ineffective.)

• Use reopening as an opportunity to clean out your culture.  No one’s work culture is perfect, and values are alive and ever-changing.  Core values may not have stuck and need to be analyzed and reconsidered.  Aspirational values may need to be updated.  Overtime, organizations collect accidental values: values that arise without intentionality from leadership and represent the commonalities of the majority.  In what ways has your workplace culture become tacky, exclusive, or just plain dull?  If you want some help in finding the answer, talk and listen to your front-line and most entry-level workers.  How can you make your company’s workplace the best place to be?

• Create meaningful work.  Do you know the long-term goals of your previous team members?  Do you know their passions?  If not, be willing to ask!  And let your old team know that, moving forward, you want more now than ever to help them achieve their goals and experience their passions every day at work.This may mean that you have to do some organizational shuffling.  (For example, Shelly likes making people happy but has been in data analytics; she should be moved to a customer-facing role.)  This may also mean that you have to give your employees more autonomy or change up accountability.  (For example, Ryan and Perry are competitive, but their work output is not easily measurable; you should come up with ways to quantify and track their work.)  How can you help your workers live fulfilling and satisfying lives?(As a disclaimer, this strategy can be extensive and challenging.  What do you do with an employee whose only passion is video games?  How do you thoughtfully hold these kinds of conversations with a staff of 30?  Reach out in the contact form below if you get stumped!)

• Lastly, foster opportunities to develop your people.  Everyone, even those who flip burgers unnoticed in the back of your store, wants to feel like they are growing, learning, and improving.  And every role develops what are called transferable skills, or skills that hold across industries and jobs.  (Some transferable skills include communication, problem solving, emotional self-awareness, etc.) Unfortunately, development of transferable skills often goes unnoticed and un-praised, in contrast to the often hyper-focus placed on bottom-line results.  What skills does a burger chef develop that may be helpful to her in future jobs?  If you want to invest in your people, you need to know in what ways you are investing in them and get creative.  For example, a burger chef might develop attention-to-detail, an awareness of work flow, organization, and/or cooperation.If you want to attract talent back to your business, give them reasons to come that go beyond their immediate circumstances and last into the rest of their life.  This can be as simple as attaching a list of transferable skills to each role and creating accountability and rewards around those skills.

These suggestions can seem daunting because they are (and should be) fairly time-consuming.  Doubting the fiscal return of your efforts is reasonable.  But these suggestions aren’t just “nice” ways to “smooth-talk” your staff back into work.  Holding these types of conversations not only creates personal impact, but also increased revenue.  Since we started with statistics, let’s end with one more:

• This study generated estimations that a highly meaningful job will produce an additional $9,078 per worker, per year, given established job satisfaction-to-productivity ratios.

Is the effort worth it to you?

2. Report an “Offer of Work.”

In some states, a refusal to return back to work (when given a fair offer) leads to disqualification from unemployment benefits.

For example, if you offer employment to Bob who used to work for you, Bob might reject your offer because he’s earning more unemployed than he would returning to your company.  You can counter his rejection by reporting a copy of your job offer to your state’s Department of Labor.  Bob will then lose his unemployment benefits.  At that point, you could then re-offer the position to Bob under his new conditions.

Some important notes for using this option:

• Clearly, the nature of this option is harsh.  Essentially, employers can use leverage to “force” employees back to work.In order to use this option honorably and effectively, be proactive in your communication.  If you can, build trust by hosting an open dialogue around a return to work before you extend offers; listen to fears and objections and see what you can do to help your team return to work with ease and eagerness.  If you can’t hold that kind of conversation, at least proactively let candidates know that they may be in danger of losing unemployment benefits if they reject your offer.  (This also eliminates the necessity of a re-offer.) Above all, if you use this option, strive to be fair.  If you can’t compensate your employees financially, again, how else can you compensate them with non-monetary incentives?

• Unfortunately, each state’s process is different and developed in real-time.  Some states are not yet even offering this option.  You may have to do a bit of hunting on your state’s Department of Labor website to find the details that apply to you.

• The offer you give must be more or less similar to the offer you first gave.  In other words, you can’t slash wages or significantly alter the role’s responsibilities.  (Again, details vary per state.)

3. Try employing workshare.

In some states, a workshare program allows you to employ your workforce for a percentage of their normal hours (e.g. 40%).  Those employees would then collect (1) 40% of their normal wages, (2) partial unemployment benefits from the state, and (3) $600 in benefits from the federal CARES Act.  In some cases, the combined total of the 3 sources of income would be greater than either full employment or full unemployment.

Again, each state varies on specifics.  Check out your state’s Department of Labor and see if you can create a plan that works for you and your employees.

4. Use the intermittent furlough strategy.

If you haven’t yet closed your business entirely, you may be able to immediately implement the intermittent furlough strategy.  This strategy avoids the mistake of reducing 10 staff members to 50% of their normal hours, an act that would disqualify them from unemployment benefits.  Instead, try employing 5 staff members for 100% of their normal hours in one week, and then employing the other 5 staff members for 100% of their normal hours in the next week.  Continuously alternate between the two subteams.

Due to new stipulations in the CARES Act, these employees can collect wages during their week on and unemployment benefits in their week off.

I hope that this article has helped!  Navigating through available solutions can be daunting and confusing, and we all are experiencing this for the first time.  If you have any questions on anything discussed above, please reach out to me at megan@ryancbailey.com.  Wishing you the best!

---

Megan Koh is a Career Development Coach, with over 7 years of experience in helping others find and achieve their dream jobs.  She lives south of Atlanta and is engaged to her sweetheart Danny.

Leveraging Learning Through Group Coaching

Introduction to Group Coaching

Dr. Howard Hendricks often said during his long career of developing future leaders, “Training without coaching is a waste of time”. 

We all have been through many types of training yet would acknowledge the lack of lasting results. Many companies and organizations invest time and finances to “train” employees only to experience low ROI and disengaged employees.

Research confirms the truth of what Dr. Hendricks was fond of saying. In the article Leadership is a Contact Sport, Marshall Goldsmith and Howard Morgan share some interesting research about the impact of the “Follow-up Factor” and the impact on professional change. 

The bottom line of the research says that when an employee has no follow up after training there is zero perceived change in that employee. In contrast, when there is consistent or periodic follow-up there is the highest percent change. So for companies to get the best return on investment for training, there must be consistent follow-up. The best way for this to happen is through group coaching and laser coaching. 

Benefits of Group Coaching

In recent years, there has been a significant increase in virtual on-going learning through Masterminds, On-line classes, and Group Coaching. A study featured in Public Personnel Management Journal reports that managers that underwent a managerial training program showed an increased productivity of 22.4%. However, a second group was provided coaching following the training process and their productivity increased by 88%.

Here are some of the main benefits leaders are experiencing:

• Camaraderie of continuing learning which follows up the live training.

• Learning in community can bring rich insights from many adult learners rather than just the “sage on the stage”.

• Creates a safe and supportive environment to practice new skills and try out new ideas.

• Convenience of receiving the training where you are.

• Affordability for the company providing the training to employees without paying for coach/consultant to travel.

• Affordability for the participants without having to pay for travel, lodging and food.

Format of Group Coaching

The format that we will be using is based on the COACH Model developed by Dr. Keith Webb. The five phases of group coaching provide helpful guardrails to guide the discussion yet is flexible to adapt to the needs of the group. 

Connect

Purpose: Build rapport and trust. Review previous action steps.

• Check in with group members

• Ask for progress on action steps

• Create accountability to the group

Outcome

Purpose: Set the group agenda for the conversation.

• Introduce focus and result for session

• Ask each group member what they want to take away from the group coaching session

Awareness

Purpose: Encourage discovery, insights and shifts in perspective.

• Invite group members to ask questions of one another

• Facilitate a conversation of curiosity and discovery

Course

Purpose: Capture insights and put them into 2-3 actionable steps.

• Ask for individual action steps from each group member

• Give assignment for next session

Highlights

Purpose: Ask the group members to reflect

• Review the learning

• Let each member share one laser highlight

Preparation 

Before each group coaching session, you will use this prep form to help you prepare. This helpful tool will allow us to focus and maximize the coaching session to help you and the group reach the desired outcomes.

1. What progress have you made on your action steps from the last training/group session?

2. What challenges or opportunities are you facing now?

3. What do you want to work on during our group coaching session?

4. What result would you like to take away from our session? 

Group Coaching Tips and Etiquette

For our Group Coaching we will be using a video conference service. This technology is easy and fun to use so we can make the most of our time. To make sure we have a strong start, please review these reminders. 

1. Please ensure that you are in a quiet place and free from distractions if possible. We ask that you turn off other devices and close programs so that you are able to be fully present with our group.

2. For our group coaching, it is ideal to use a desktop or laptop computer if at all possible rather than an iPad or iPhone.

3. Please click on the link one minute before we start. The first time, you may have to enter the password you use to login to your computer.

Group Coaching Etiquette

• Come with a teachable attitude.

• Please keep your comments brief so we can have maximum participation.

• If you are an extrovert, please give others a chance to speak up.

• If you are an introvert, speak up so we can hear your helpful contributions.

• It is best to keep yourself on mute till you want to speak. 

• Be aware of background noise: typing, clicking, rustling of papers, etc. We can hear it if you are live. 

• Please do not use this group coaching time for individual communication on chat feature. 

• Be fully engaged without brain multi-switching (multitasking is impossible).

How Do I Prepare for a Coaching Session?

Embarking on a coaching engagement can be both a liberating and intimidating thing. It gives us the safety to process difficult interactions and freedom to pursue ideas; it also can be one of those things that our pesky persistent human nature tells us we “need to do right.” And while there is no exact right or wrong way to go about a session or entire engagement, there are a few things you can do in preparation of a coaching session to ensure you get the most out of your time with your coach.

1. Prepare a topic (or topics) that you’d like to work through that day.

   Identifying a few things you might want to address with your coach before the session begins can help you get focused during the actual session faster. Spending less time trying to figure out what you want to talk about leaves more time for insights, which ultimately result in development. (See here for a list of what to talk about during a coaching session.)

2. Before you walk in the door, take note of how you are feeling.

   Are you feeling restless? Relieved? Overwhelmed? Joyful? Empty? Frustrated? While feelings are not facts, they are always data. Positive or negative, sharing how you are feeling with your coach gives both of you the opportunity to explore where those feelings might come from and how they might be working into your life and work currently. Identifying your feeling and its origins is the first step to foreseeing and overcoming barriers that might arise.

3. Remind yourself that you may feel challenged.

   The blessing and burden of participating in a coaching engagement is that while you will be validated, you will also be challenged. Good coaches will not hold back in their observations of you – both in the session itself and what they are hearing through a story you’re telling – because they know those observations are crucial to your development. Growth is a hard journey because it requires us to confront the parts of ourselves we are uncomfortable with, but it is because of our courageous confrontations that we are able to see ourselves more clearly and thus behave in a way that is more aligned with who we desire to be.

4. Prepare yourself at a heart level to explore any insights that arrive.

   The narrative we create of ourselves, even in the workplace, is consistently validated through our experiences in the world – whether or not they are true. Our human tendency towards confirmation bias means that we often don’t see the full picture of what is happening; we only see the pieces that make sense to us based on our story. Coaching sessions have the magical ability to bring insight into the story we tell ourselves about ourselves in ways that validate and well as ways that challenge. The willingness to explore all those areas deeper will only serve you well as you continue to pursue your goals.

5. Be gentle with yourself when it comes to perceived progress.

   Other people often see us better than ourselves, especially when that other person is someone whose job it is to help you see yourself more clearly. Because we spend all day with ourselves, it can often feel like we are stuck or not making any progress. Be gentle with yourself when you feel this way, and speak up to your coach if this is the feeling you are experiencing. Your coach may be able to help you identify areas in which you are growing without you noticing, or you can draft a different plan forward together. 

Coaching sessions, whether you are a people leader or not, are intended to help people identify their strengths, set goals, address the barriers to those goals, and grow to the next level. By taking just a few minutes to prepare your brain and your heart for an upcoming session, you expedite the amount of time it takes to get to the focus during the session and give yourself the advantage of gaining more insights during the hour with your coach. In this way, you maximize your growth opportunities over the course of the engagement and will realize a greater impact in your life overall.

Chew on this:

• How has past preparation helped you get further in an area of your life?

• How can you better prepare for your development in the future?

What to Talk About During a Coaching Session

One of the first questions I usually get from a prospective client or somebody interested in coaching but not quite ready to take the leap yet is, “What would I even talk about?” While the question is a legitimate one, it is typically rooted in that familiar hesitant reaction we have when confronted with the anticipated opportunity to be vulnerable. And thus the simple answer addressing what to talk about during a coaching session turns out to be a little more involved than just content.

The short answer to what to talk about during a coaching session is: anything and everything. Coaching serves a variety of purposes, including (but not limited to) brainstorming, processing, problem solving, self-examination, personal development, gap analysis, skills assessment, and leadership development. Coaching can also help leaders work through and identify where their team is performing well and where they could be doing better.

Examples of good topics to prepare and bring up during a coaching session are:

• An area in which you want to grow

• A strategic initiative that feels incomplete for reasons you can’t quite pinpoint

• A team member that you may be struggling with

• A big win that you’d like to celebrate and process

• A problem you want to think through

• An event or situation that hasn’t been sitting well with you

• A direct report who is not performing to the level you’d hoped

• An idea you’d like to explore

• A relationship you would like to improve

• A circumstance or environment you are unsure about navigating

• A pattern you’ve noticed and would like to examine

• Ways your team is doing well

• Areas in which you’d like your team to develop

• The promotion you’re hoping to get

• The promotion you’re upset you didn’t get

• Question(s) you want addressed from a previous session or assessment result

The more important thing to consider when it comes to a coaching session is not the content itself, but the way you talk about the content. Your general attitude and openness during a session will predict how successful the outcome is, even if the outcomes ends up being one that takes you by surprise. Our personal ability to either recognize how we are feeling and reacting in the moment coupled with our willingness to accept observations made by a coach (whether positive or critical) will be the key to capitalizing on our personal and professional growth.

Your coach will hear things and find meaning and ask questions, and while a good coach will skillfully ask good questions to get you thinking more broadly, it is equally important that you be open to receiving not only these questions but the challenging thinking that may come with them. We gain significant insights that can lead to breakthrough developments when we are willing to challenge ourselves and our own thinking to entertain the idea that there might be a bigger world out there.

Chew on this:

• What did you talk about the last time you had a breakthrough?

• What attitude do you generally have when approached with challenging thinking?

• In what areas can a coach help you grow?

How To Extract The Most Value from a Workshop

From individuals to teams to entire organizations, people all around the world invest in and attend workshops in an effort to improve in some way, shape, or form. As an eager learner myself, I find myself constantly looking for opportunities to learn from the latest research, develop skills and techniques, and grow myself so that I can continue to help my clients grow. However, one of the biggest challenges I face is hoping to absorb everything while knowing that I likely will not retain all of the information; according to Forbes, attendants of a lecture retain only about 50% of what they learn after two weeks.

I know that I’m not alone in this struggle. As somebody who frequently delivers workshops, one of the biggest asks I get at the end of a session is how to retain the information learned - and especially, the insights gained from that information. From training to team development, people across all industries I work in consistently express the desire to make the most of what they learn in a workshop.

It turns out the key to retaining information is to actually figure out a way to apply it immediately, and then to implement the application well. Gathered over the years from a variety of sources as well as personal experiences (of my own, of my peers, and from my clients), here are some things I have found helpful throughout my years of attending and giving workshops:

1. Before you go into the workshop, do a brain dump.

   Brain dumping is a way to get clear and be fully present. The exercise involves taking a few minutes to list on a piece of paper all of the things that are on your mind at the present moment, as well as things that you think will mentally distract you throughout the day. Think not just about work, but also about home, family, hobbies, entertainment - basically, anything.

   Then, next to each item, quickly jot down the ideal outcome you want for that item. Then write down the next action step that needs to be taken to achieve that outcome.

   The beautiful (and burdensome) thing about this exercise is that all the things you wrote down will still be waiting for you at the end of the day. Physically taking a pen and writing it on a piece of paper gives you a place to put those thoughts for safe-keeping (at least temporarily) so that your mind can be clear and spacious for new information.

2. Take really, really clear notes - and review them right away.

   I like to take electronic notes during workshops I attend. However, if I'm not careful, as the days, weeks and months go by, I may not fully understand what I wrote down when the time comes to review them. Make sure you set aside some time to review your notes right away, as close to the end of the workshop as you can. The breaks during a workshop are even more ideal.

   Finding ways to reinforce new discoveries by repeating the information to yourself or applying it immediately to the world around you is a great way to incorporate what you’re learning as you’re learning it.

3. If the facilitator says anything that is unclear, ask them to clarify.

   Don't be afraid to ask the facilitator to clear up a point they made. You will be doing yourself, your fellow participants, and the facilitator a favor. This is often how I get the best refinements to the workshops I conduct. It is also a way to make the information applicable to you - which will only make it that much real and easier to remember.

4. If the facilitator has not done so, whittle down the workshop to three main points. 

   A client once, after previewing slides, asked me to come up with five "pithy" phrases that the participants could use as a review slide. That advice alone moved my workshops to the next level. It turned out that senior leaders especially valued that slide because it made the information “sticky” and memorable.

   By self-creating summary phrases, you capture the points that are important to you. Furthermore, the act of having to think through information and then come up with a new summary statement embeds the statement in your own head.

5. Identify and immediately implement core parts of the workshop; make it personal.

   To make the most of the time you invested in participating in a workshop, look for ways you can immediately use what you've learned. The idea is to start using what you've learned before you forget it (or even as you’re learning it); by seeing your new learnings in action, you help wire your brain in favor of recognizing and remembering those insights.

6. Set up review times.

   Typically, when I deliver a workshop, I like to have a group coaching call a month after the workshop, and another one three months after the workshop. This gives participants a chance to implement and develop questions to better utilize what they've learned.

   If that feature is not offered to you and your team, request it, because it will dramatically increase retention and use.

   If you're met with resistance, do it on your own - either individually or bring together a small group of people you attended the workshop with to debrief what you’ve learned and how you’ve been practicing it. Don't feel shy about emailing the workshop facilitator with your brief questions. We'd love to be at further service.

7. Teach others what you've learned.

   Before the beginning of the workshop, have in mind that you are going to teach others what you've learned. This will help you be present, make sure that your notes are clear, and that you yourself understand everything.

   Then generously share with others what you've learned. In the process, you will learn and implement much more than you would have otherwise. Imagine the impact on your team if they got the nuggets that have helped you!

There is a reason you are participating in the workshops you're attending. You’ve invested time and money and energy into this opportunity. Make the most of it for yourself and for your team as you move your team towards higher performance.

Chew On This:

• What impact would it make if you could remember more of the workshops you attend?

• What steps can you take to make the most out of future workshops?

** This blog may be an amalgamation of a few different clients.  No one single client is represented.

How To Make The Most of What You Learn From An Assessment

So you’ve just taken the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, or the CliftonStrengths, or DiSC, or Birkman, or EQ-i 2.0, or done a 360, or used any of the other tools out there that aim to provide personal, professional, and leadership insights. Now what?

In my line of work, I have had various clients and friends ask me what I can do with the results of an assessment I have taken, either for work or even (if you’re one of those people), for fun. And while taking a personality assessment, whether its results are validating or surprising, can be a great source of glee, the truth of the matter is that the information gained is unlikely to contribute anything lasting to your development, regardless of how good or accurate the assessment is.

Unless you take the time to figure out what to really do with it.

The importance of making the insights gained through these tools lasting is that we, as human beings, tend to have a difficult time seeing ourselves clearly and fully, even if we don’t want to admit it. We may see parts of ourselves, but there are other parts of us that we don’t want to acknowledge because we don’t like that piece of ourselves and then other parts still that we don’t even know exist, that we’re blind to. Assessments help us put words to things we may feel but not be able to vocalize, and they can provide us with additional pieces of information that help us look at ourselves and the world more widely, clearly, wholly.

So what’s the secret to making the most of the information you’ve gained? If you want only want two words, they are time and reflection. If you’re willing to read beyond the two, then below is a more detailed plan that will help you take the information you gain, figure out how to apply it and practice new behaviors, and create lasting change and a path of growth in your life.

• Use a Pen

  Science has shown that physically writing something down is more effective than typing or just reading when it comes to remembering something effectively. Having to form letters and words with your hand leaves an imprint on your brain that typing simply does not. The first recommendation is to grab a pen and make written notes in order to make the following suggestions more effective.

• Identify What Makes Sense to You and Validates How You Think of Yourself

  We all have gifts, and it serves us well to recognize and leverage those gifts in our work and our lives. We also all have tendencies and wounds that can get in the way of our success and joy. Sometimes an assessment can shed light on a motivation or reason for why we have the gifts we do, carry the burdens we bear, and wrestle with the challenges we have. Take time to really dig through those insights, and reflect on how they exist in your life and are expressed through your behavior.

• Spend Time On the Pieces of Information that Challenge You

  You may not agree with everything an assessment reports. While it is easy to dismiss these pieces of data as outliers or to consider either it or yourself as an exception, the fact that this piece of information presents a challenge to your thinking is the very reason it is such a great opportunity. As they say, “A comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there.”

  The pieces of data that you either struggle to reconcile or wish weren’t true are the places to spend your time - either working through why it may appear in the report even though it does not apply, or examining why this may have come up and why you are resistant to it. Either way, the time spent reflecting increases self-awareness and gets you closer to being able to identify what kind of change, if any, you want to explore.

• Think About the Story You Tell Yourself About Yourself; Then Challenge Your Narrative

  We all have narratives that we have developed about ourselves and other people, and thanks to a little thing called confirmation bias, we typically only see and accept the pieces of information (good or bad) that reaffirm our existing narrative. One of the ways an assessment can be helpful is that it provides pieces of objective data - not opinion - and context outside of your self narrative. Giving all pieces equal reflection time allows you to affirm and challenge the way you think about and talk to yourself, which opens the door to helping us identify the things we’ve decided are true (when they aren’t), assessing if those things are still serving us well, and figuring out how we want to adapt to, let go of, or change to move forward.

• Ask for Feedback Based on What You’re Learning From Your Reflection

  In the spirit of seeing ourselves clearly, find a handful of people around you who are safe and willing to be honest. Ask about both the pieces that are validating and affirming, as well as the pieces that are challenging and hard to swallow. People who love you and are invested in your growth can be a great lens through which to see yourself so that you can identify the areas you want to develop or change.

• Identify Where You Want to Grow, and Make a Plan for How and What

  After taking time for reflection, identify the insights you want to act on. Changing behavior requires time, attention, effort, and practice. Choose one or two areas in which you want to grow (don’t worry if there are more - keep a list so you can tackle two others when you’re ready!) and determine a small, actionable step you can take in service of that growth. Establish what you will track, when you are going to practice your new behavior, and how often you will check in on your progress.

• Reflect, Reflect, Reflect - and Track Your Progress

  The key to growth is reflection. It takes intentional and dedicated practice to grow, and setting aside the time to think about and take stock of how the journey is going is integral to the process.

Assessments are a quick and simple way to get new information, validate areas of strength, challenge old information, and shed light on opportunities to grow. They provide an avenue to think about the past and explore future possibilities, but only if you put in the work to making it stick. Next time you are asked or individually elect to take a work style or personality assessment, try to spend as much time reflecting on the insights as possible. Then, turn those insights into small actionable steps. Do this enough over enough time, and you’ll find that your growth will have propelled you forward more than you could have ever imagined.

Chew on This:

• When is the last time you took an assessment that left a lasting impression on you?

• What did you do with that information?

• How can you continue to grow through the insights you gained?

Replacing Balance with Harmony

I just read this article. It shows how top CEOs are replacing the phrase work-life balance with work-life harmony. The idea is not to think about compartmentalizing the work you do and the way you relax. You don’t have to trade one for the other. Instead, think about how to fill your life with meaning, and you will find both your professional and personal life becoming highly energizing. Moreover, you will find that they feed each other and make your life more satisfying.

So how do you go about doing that? Here are a few steps to help you get started:

Make a List of What’s Meaningful to You

So what’s meaningful to you? Really think about that. We have a finite amount of time here on Earth, and we had better make the most of it.

Make a list of the things that bring meaning to your life. What do you love to do? What brings you joy?

It may help you to think about times in your life when you were doing things you absolutely loved. When were you cracking up like crazy? When were you your most creative? When were you the most you, you could be? What was the most fun time you’ve ever had? When have you felt passion? How about joy? How about love? At the core, what was it about those experiences that brought you meaning? These are the things you want to invest in.

Harmonize Passions To Avoid Burn Out

We also have to be careful. Those of us who have found our passions can get burned out by them. We need to harmonize our passions so that not one of them leads us to burnout. We can do that by allowing ourselves to be fully present in whatever it is we are doing at the moment so we can give it all we have. So when you are at work, be all in. When you’re at home, be all in. When sleeping, exercising, or resting, be all in. We function best when we give ourselves to what we are doing for the sake of the activity itself, not for some self-glorifying end. But don’t burn out on any one of them.

Do What You Were Made To Do

So now think. Do you know what you were built to do? Just knowing that will bring incredible meaning to your life. Our coaches can help you discover that in less than 6 hours. It is by far our most popular coaching program. There are plenty of other resources and books that can help you discover that as well. Be sure to get clear on what that is.

Focus on the Most Essential Part of What You Were Made To Do

Once you discover what you were built to do, read the book Essentialism, by Greg McKeown. It will show you how to focus on the most important part of your work and go all in there. You will feel like you are in your strike zone throughout the day.

Be Fully Present With Those You Care About

Outside of work, meaning can come by being fully present with those you care for.

My twin boys turn 15 in less than a month. FIFTEEN! My wife and I are talking about what car to get them. How did we get here so quickly? Wasn’t it just yesterday that I was holding them like this?

As much as I loved the time when they were small, I am now loving to see them become men. The conversations, the joking around, the stretching them to help them discover who they are has been incredible. I’ve only got four more years with them here at home. I want to make the most of it. How about you? How can you bring meaning to the relationships you have?

To Have Sustained Meaningful Experiences, Embrace Self-Care

In order for me to give myself to the things that are meaningful, I need to take care of myself.

Sleep has been shown to be the top productivity tool. A few years ago when I struggled with sleep, I wrote this article. Prioritizing sleep has been life-changing. I am also working on my diet and exercise. I have yo-yo’d in my weight a lot over the last 20 years, but I am learning to pursue self-care with meaning. A question I’ve been reflecting on is, “How does taking care of myself bring meaning to me and to others?” I am discovering a consistency that I have not had before. Try it, and let me know how it goes.

Be Grateful. Don’t Take Anything for Granted.

Another self-care tool that has been incredibly valuable is expressing gratitude. When we are grateful, it lifts us out of the low energy spaces and reminds us that although we are not entitled to anything, we have - and are given - incredible gifts. The very means by which you are reading this blog is just one of many things you have to be grateful for. Don’t take any of it for granted. (For more on gratitude: see here or here.)

Remember: Wasting Time Sucks Your Energy

How do you waste time? How can you replace that time with something meaningful? Sometimes my brain needs to veg out. Replacing wasted time with brain games has not only been fun, but has given my wife, twin boys, daughter, and me something we can all get into. When I used to waste time, my energy level would drop. When I play brain games, my brain gets sharper, and when my family gets into it with me, it provides even more fun and closeness.

Join Me In A Different Kind of New Year’s Resolution

We are about to start a new year. Many of us will be thinking about what we want to go in for. A common resolution is to develop a work-life balance. Maybe this time around we can build a work-life harmony. Would you join me in this resolution? To fill this next year with as much meaning as you can get?

Chew On This:

• How will you fill your life with as much meaning as you can get?

The One Skill that Expedites Trust and Relationship Building: Part 2

I sent part one of this blog to a number of people who were just a few weeks away from sharing a personal event with their larger team as a way to help the team get to know them and increase the team’s trust in them. The feedback from that first blog has overall been positive, and a couple of key requests came through that I would love to address in this blog.

First, some wanted to know how they can calm their nerves when sharing events from their stories. Many times people become nervous because they inadvertently make it their goal to be a scintillating storyteller. They are afraid of not dazzling their team, of being a dud. But that is not the goal. The goal is simply to let the team know you better. That’s it. Nothing more.

Second, some requested that I provide a template of one of my events to help them get better at sharing their own. They hoped to pull out principles to help them craft their own stories. So I am happy to provide that. In my life, I have experienced a number of made-for-tv stories. Some were great highs, and others were incredibly tragic. Some of our clients can relate to the made-for-tv stories since they’ve had them too, but most cannot. So I will share one event which everyone can relate to, an event critical to the role I now have.

How I Would Share My Story:

Hi everyone! I am going to share a critical event that helped me get to the role I have today. First some background...

[The Background]

Both of my parents grew up in poverty. My dad’s parents were professors at North Carolina A&T and were influential in the Civil Rights movement. They have a building named after them. Yet they grew up poor, and my dad experienced terrible trauma as a result of his poverty. If you knew what it was, you would agree.

My mother grew up in the Dominican Republic. After a six month wait, her father (my grandfather) got a visa to come to the United States. Then he had to wait another six months to get visas for his wife, my mom, and his five other children before moving to Harlem in upper Manhattan. While going to high school, my mother and her younger brother worked very hard to help the family survive.  

My parents met and married. Two years later they had me, but they separated when I was two weeks old and were divorced by the time I was two. Each of them went on to be extremely successful surgeons. True rags to riches stories.

As it turned out, I was the little kid who knew everyone’s secrets. Two friends would be arguing, and each one would confide in me without the other one knowing because I was always tight-lipped. As I grew up, I loved spending time on the phone talking to friends, especially about their problems.  

In NYC public schools if you left class after lunch you were not marked down for being absent. During third grade, 7th period was Gym and 8th period was Math. I was a gifted athlete and from an early age my mother worked on my math skills so math came super easy to me.

Early before school, when no one was looking, my Grandfather would lean over the breakfast table and whisper, “Ryan, you are going to get very sick today.” Excitedly I would run back to my bedroom and stuff my baseball mitt on the bottom of my book bag.

Just as 6th period was coming to a close there would come a loud knock on the classroom door, startling the entire class and my teacher.  But before my teacher could say, “Come in,” my grandfather would barge into the room, point to me in the back, and say in a loud voice, “Ryan’s sick.  Come on Ryan, you’re sick. Ryan’s sick.” 

From there we would go see home New York Yankees games.  

He pulled this stunt 33 times in third grade, and I loved it!  (For any who may be concerned, I still got an A in gym and in math :-)

I didn’t tell anyone about this until 10 years after he died.  When I told my mother, she burst out laughing and asked, “Is that why everyone thought you had cancer?”

Now then I went to the second largest high school in the country, Brooklyn Tech. There were so many students in my graduating class that I swear I never saw half of them until the day we got our diplomas. But somehow my name got around as the guy you talk to if you have girlfriend/boyfriend problems or parent issues.  

In my sophomore year, I fell in love with Larry Crabb’s books. I wanted to become just like him: a therapist and author. That freaked my mother out because “therapists don’t make money.” She feared that I would return to the poverty that she worked so hard to get us out of. She started pushing me towards business. At the same time, my dad was subtly encouraging me to make money as well.

So being the dutiful firstborn son, that summer I got a job working for a stockbroker at Lehman Brothers. I made so much money that I was hooked. I then went to NYU’s Stern School of Business and worked in the business world. I did well, but it wasn’t me. I wanted to go deeper into people’s lives and work on heart-level changes.  

When 9/11 hit, I knew that I needed to do what I was meant to do. I did not know what coaching was. Had I known, I probably would have headed in that direction. Instead, since I wanted to work at a heart level, and I’d seen some of the business people I worked with blow up their lives because of personal issues, I thought I should pursue counseling. So I earned a Masters in Counseling and opened a private practice where most of my clients were business leaders.

After a few years into the practice, my wife said, “It’s a shame you have this expensive degree from NYU and you are not using it for anything other than your practice.” I had to admit that as much as I loved the deeper work I was doing, I missed the numbers, the ideas, and brainstorming with clients about how to achieve something that had impact. For sure, there was a great personal impact in the counseling realm, but I missed the business impact.

[The Actual Event]

Then my wife found an article on coaching. She printed it off for me and said “Ryan! Ryan! Look, this is you! This is really you.” I saw the word coaching on the top and dismissed the article without ever reading it. At that time, counselors were very dismissive of coaching, as if to ask, “Who do these coaches think they are, charging more than we do and without our degrees?”

Still my wife persisted, and I kept finding ways to avoid reading it. Eventually, early one morning when she was cooking breakfast, she put the breakfast plate down in front of me with the article right on top of the eggs. The first paragraph caught my eye, and I started reading.

As I read I got up, completely transfixed, and moved into the living room where my laptop was. I did a search to find a coach who could mentor me. I sent out a couple of emails, and one of them called me immediately. We had a fantastic conversation where he explained how he worked and where I could get trained as a coach.

I immediately enrolled in a coach training school and started reaching out to old business leader clients whom I hadn’t met with for years. I explained that I was learning how to do this coaching thing and asked if they would be interested in working together. A number of them said yes.  

[Relate That Event to The Impact It’s Had On The Present]

Since that point, the coaching practice has really taken off. Some clients who are business travelers have let others in different countries know about me, so I currently have clients on six continents. (I am still waiting on that client from Antarctica to complete the sweep.)

Since I worked as a consultant for a few years, and I love team coaching and facilitating workshops, my practice has become an organizational effectiveness company.

I absolutely love what I do. I even do it when I am sick. I just ask the clients who like to come to my office if they are willing to meet over the phone or webcam, and I keep going.

(Now that the story is over, I turn to the team and say...)

Okay, that’s me. What have you learned about me from this part of my story?

[Principles For Sharing Your Story]

First, remember the goal is not to be a dazzling story-teller. The goal is for the team to get to know you.  

Just Be You. Don’t Ever Perform.

That leads to the second principle: for them to get to know you, just be you. Don’t perform. Don’t amp it up. As an ENFJ with Dominican roots, I am going to bring connection and energy to my story. That’s me. If you heard me tell my story, you might be tempted to do yours the same way. But we would not get to know you that way. Just be you as you are. It will be just as effective. Having said that, there are a few more principles that will help us get to know you. Just apply these principles in a style that is genuinely you.

Share The Key Background Pieces

Thirdly, since you are going to be sharing a critical event of your life, it is important to give some background to the event. What led up to it? Look for the key background pieces to your critical event. What were they?

My story above started with my parents and their struggle to get out of poverty. Then came the realization that people found it super easy to talk to me, and I loved that. Since my parents feared that I was going to return to the poverty they left, they pushed me towards making money in business. But eventually, I needed to be me and thanks to my wife’s persistence, I found that what was most me was working with leaders and their teams at a heart level, for the sake of professional and personal impact.

Don’t Just Share the Facts But What You Felt About the Facts

Fourthly, in order for us to get to know you as you share the facts of your story, sprinkle it with some emotive terms or use your tone of voice to convey the emotions you experienced. Emotive terms can be words like excited, freaked, angry, happy, etc. You could also share about things you loved or hated since that also carries an emotional charge.  

People get you when you accompany your facts with what you felt about the facts. You don’t have to overdo. Just remember to mix facts with emotions at key points in your story.

Change The Pace Of Your Story By Giving A Sense Of Movement

Fifth, use words that give a sense of movement in your story. Moreover, alter your tone of voice and body language to match. For example, in my story, when I said, “My mother pushed me into business,” I could totally see myself emphasizing the word pushed by using my hands to make a movement like I was pushing someone. This gives a visual to help you paint the story.

For the same reason, vary the pace of your story. Sometimes speak faster and at other times more slowly.  Don’t be unnatural with this. Just remember to slow it down around the critical parts of the story.

Paint The Picture Of The Key Parts of Your Story

That leads to our sixth principle: when sharing key parts of your story, involve the audience by giving them more detail then. So in my story above, when I described my grandfather coming to my classroom, I gave more details and used some emotive words like jolted, and if I had been in front of you, I would use body language to convey that jolt in order to help you picture that scene. Painting the picture helps people to see it in their minds, which helps them get to know you more.

When Possible, Vary The Emotions. If Not Possible, Then Go Deep Into the One You Are Conveying

Seventh, when possible vary the emotions in the story so people experience more of a range. That range helps to foster connections. In my story, I shared the word trauma when speaking of my dad. Most people, when they hear how I say it, will tend to feel pain or hurt. And when I talk about how much I love what I do, my tone of voice can lead them to feel a pull towards joy and vigor. I like to make people laugh, so if that’s you too, then sometimes use humor. The mix of emotions helps people to feel connected. Remember, don’t be manipulative and don’t try to create this. Just be you. If the story has a range of emotions, then emphasize those points; if it doesn’t, then that’s ok. Stick to the one emotion and convey it well.  Expressing that one emotion well can also lead to a strong connection, which then leads to them “getting” you more.

When Sharing the Critical Event, Give Many More Details Than You Have Before

Eighth, when sharing the critical event itself, give more details for that part of the story than for any other part.  Use more emotive terms, and match your tone accordingly. Make more use of words that convey movement. This helps people to get into the story more and by consequence get to know you.

After Describing the Critical Event, Bring The Story into The Present

Lastly, bring the story to a conclusion by bringing it into the present. How did that critical event impact you? What’s happened since then?

Part of the conclusion includes the emotion or state of being you want them to feel as you close. In my case, I talked about loving what I do because I wanted to leave you with a feeling of passion. Passion is one of our four company values. If you know me, you will know that I love being passionate and encouraging my clients to find their passions and live from them. So leaving you with something that fosters passion would be another way I could help you get me.

Don’t Forget To Get Feedback

As a final note, when sharing your story in this format it is helpful to get feedback. The feedback will show you how much they get you. It will also help you to describe this event better next time… and there is always a next time. New people will join your team or you will be interacting with different stakeholders where that story will come in handy.

Earning your team’s trust is key to helping all of you become what is classically known as a high performing team. You can build trust with your team one story at a time. Storytelling isn’t the only thing you need to do to build trust, but it is certainly key. Practice storytelling not just with your teams but with those you care for - the people who will help you to not perform, but to just be with those who are listening.

Chew On This:

• What would help you to remember that the goal of sharing your story is not to dazzle, but rather to help someone get to know you?

10 Tips to Overcome Nerves Before Public Speaking

Public Speaking.

Did you just feel a little queasy even reading those two words above? If so, you are not alone. According to this online study, 75% of people feel some level of fear about public speaking.  Let’s say you are asked to give a toast, tell a part of your story, lead a meeting, give a presentation, or do some other form of public speaking: here are ten tips that can help you overcome your nerves.

1. Decide ahead of time you are going to be you. 

   There is nothing that works up the nerves more than believing you have to be amazing in whatever public speaking event you are participating in. Instead, focus on accomplishing the end goal behind why you are engaging in your public speaking event. What is the goal of the toast you are giving? The story you are telling? The PowerPoint deck you are presenting? Just focus on that.

2. Relive a time when you were confident, really enjoying yourself and/or cracking up, especially if it was while you were speaking in public.  

   Let’s take the cracking up one. Stop right now and describe a time when you were really cracking up. I mean laughing hysterically. Really get into the details. Look what just happened.  You started cracking up. Emotional recall is a tool you can use to bring emotions from the past into the present.  You can do the same with confidence, relaxation, or enjoyment. Just give enough details for your body to start producing the emotion in the present. 

3. Using confident body language helps bring up confidence.

   Assuming a confident posture (like the Superwoman pose) leverages your physical body to trick your mind into feeling more confident. This resource explains this point well particularly well.

4. If you have the option to arrange the chairs in a circle, try to do that!

   Sometimes someone feels a lack of confidence just because they are standing in front of everyone. If you have to be standing in front of everyone, then try to get to the room early and practice standing in front of where everyone will be. If you have the option to rearrange chairs, arrange them so that everyone is in a circle and you are sitting in the circle with them. Use the real estate of your environment to your advantage.

5. Remember to breathe.

   Sometimes when we are feeling anxious we don’t breathe well. So if there is a lull or if you’ve just asked the audience a question, take that time to breathe in a little more deeply. It makes a difference.

6. Hold eye contact with the safest people in the room. 

   Usually there are people in an audience who seem more engaged than others and are giving you more positive body language. Focus more on them. They will help you get through the talk.

7. Worry less if people are yawning or seem distracted.

   By contrast, don’t focus on people who are yawning or seem distracted. You may not be failing at all. Sometimes by the end of a four-hour training it is just natural for people to be yawning, especially if they’ve been getting a lot of information to digest. Yawning is natural. The same applies with those looking on their phones or who seem distracted in some other way. It may not have as much to do with you as with the fact that they need a mental break, or that something urgent is going on that requires their response. We do anonymous feedback surveys after each training. When I see people yawning or showing distraction in some other way, I expect to receive lower scores on the feedback survey, but that has yet to be the case.

8. Follow your method of rehearsing.

   Some people need to go through what they are going to say over and over again until it is natural. Some people just need to do it a couple of times, knowing they will improvise some. Still others barely create an outline (usually in their heads) and when called on, they still do a great job!

   There is not one right way to rehearse. If you are in the first two examples, rehearse until you are comfortable by yourself (with a mirror or film yourself) and with others. For those in the third category, man I envy you!

9. Watch clips of tips for public speaking and apply the ones that fit you and your personality type.

   This resource is full of great tips and tricks to improve your public speaking. Use the ones that best fit you for the present occasion.

10. Increase the energy level of the room by telling a story.

    Sometimes if I sense that I am wearing people down with heavy content, I share a quick 30-second story to amplify one of the points. It can bring a breath of fresh air to the room.  

11. Controversial bonus tip: announce to the group that you fear speaking in public.

    Sometimes just being real about what you feel helps you to get through your nerves. If you decide to share that one, pay attention to who in the audience connects with you and subtly encourages you. After all, 75% of the room probably has some form of fear about public speaking as well!

While I’ve included 10 tips to help you succeed in your next public speaking engagement, there are many more you can utilize! Click here for a more extensive list of tips.

Chew On This:

• Which of the tips above would be the most helpful to you?

• Which of these tips will you try next time you are called to present publicly?