Replacing Balance with Harmony

I just read this article. It shows how top CEOs are replacing the phrase work-life balance with work-life harmony. The idea is not to think about compartmentalizing the work you do and the way you relax. You don’t have to trade one for the other. Instead, think about how to fill your life with meaning, and you will find both your professional and personal life becoming highly energizing. Moreover, you will find that they feed each other and make your life more satisfying.

So how do you go about doing that? Here are a few steps to help you get started:

Make a List of What’s Meaningful to You

So what’s meaningful to you? Really think about that. We have a finite amount of time here on Earth, and we had better make the most of it.

Make a list of the things that bring meaning to your life. What do you love to do? What brings you joy?

It may help you to think about times in your life when you were doing things you absolutely loved. When were you cracking up like crazy? When were you your most creative? When were you the most you, you could be? What was the most fun time you’ve ever had? When have you felt passion? How about joy? How about love? At the core, what was it about those experiences that brought you meaning? These are the things you want to invest in.

Harmonize Passions To Avoid Burn Out

We also have to be careful. Those of us who have found our passions can get burned out by them. We need to harmonize our passions so that not one of them leads us to burnout. We can do that by allowing ourselves to be fully present in whatever it is we are doing at the moment so we can give it all we have. So when you are at work, be all in. When you’re at home, be all in. When sleeping, exercising, or resting, be all in. We function best when we give ourselves to what we are doing for the sake of the activity itself, not for some self-glorifying end. But don’t burn out on any one of them.

Do What You Were Made To Do

So now think. Do you know what you were built to do? Just knowing that will bring incredible meaning to your life. Our coaches can help you discover that in less than 6 hours. It is by far our most popular coaching program. There are plenty of other resources and books that can help you discover that as well. Be sure to get clear on what that is.

Focus on the Most Essential Part of What You Were Made To Do

Once you discover what you were built to do, read the book Essentialism, by Greg McKeown. It will show you how to focus on the most important part of your work and go all in there. You will feel like you are in your strike zone throughout the day.

Be Fully Present With Those You Care About

Outside of work, meaning can come by being fully present with those you care for.

My twin boys turn 15 in less than a month. FIFTEEN! My wife and I are talking about what car to get them. How did we get here so quickly? Wasn’t it just yesterday that I was holding them like this?

As much as I loved the time when they were small, I am now loving to see them become men. The conversations, the joking around, the stretching them to help them discover who they are has been incredible. I’ve only got four more years with them here at home. I want to make the most of it. How about you? How can you bring meaning to the relationships you have?

To Have Sustained Meaningful Experiences, Embrace Self-Care

In order for me to give myself to the things that are meaningful, I need to take care of myself.

Sleep has been shown to be the top productivity tool. A few years ago when I struggled with sleep, I wrote this article. Prioritizing sleep has been life-changing. I am also working on my diet and exercise. I have yo-yo’d in my weight a lot over the last 20 years, but I am learning to pursue self-care with meaning. A question I’ve been reflecting on is, “How does taking care of myself bring meaning to me and to others?” I am discovering a consistency that I have not had before. Try it, and let me know how it goes.

Be Grateful. Don’t Take Anything for Granted.

Another self-care tool that has been incredibly valuable is expressing gratitude. When we are grateful, it lifts us out of the low energy spaces and reminds us that although we are not entitled to anything, we have - and are given - incredible gifts. The very means by which you are reading this blog is just one of many things you have to be grateful for. Don’t take any of it for granted. (For more on gratitude: see here or here.)

Remember: Wasting Time Sucks Your Energy

How do you waste time? How can you replace that time with something meaningful? Sometimes my brain needs to veg out. Replacing wasted time with brain games has not only been fun, but has given my wife, twin boys, daughter, and me something we can all get into. When I used to waste time, my energy level would drop. When I play brain games, my brain gets sharper, and when my family gets into it with me, it provides even more fun and closeness.

Join Me In A Different Kind of New Year’s Resolution

We are about to start a new year. Many of us will be thinking about what we want to go in for. A common resolution is to develop a work-life balance. Maybe this time around we can build a work-life harmony. Would you join me in this resolution? To fill this next year with as much meaning as you can get?

Chew On This:

• How will you fill your life with as much meaning as you can get?

What the FitBit Taught Me about Healthy Competition

When I was younger, I trained to be a professional tennis player.  I had a competitive drive back then, and it served me well.  But as I became established in a helping profession, and being an ENFJ, I found myself working more towards harmony than competition.  I allowed myself to get out of balance and worked an insane number of hours.  I stopped tennis and most other forms of exercise, and gained a lot of weight.

Now I’m committed to getting back in shape.  I joined WeightWatchers, got a weight-loss coach, and got a Fitbit.  I posted on FaceBook that I wanted accountability and competition, and I asked FaceBook friends to connect to me on Fitbit.

I’d barely gotten the post out when a friend invited me to compete on his WorkWeek Hustle Challenge.

I know I must be behind the times a bit, but I had no idea what that was.

So then I read that it was a competition to see who takes the most steps between Monday at 12:00am and Friday at 11:59pm. The winner is the one with the most steps.

Until I was invited to join the WorkWeek Challenge, I had no idea how much of a competitive spirit was still in me.

When the WorkWeek Hustle started, I pushed myself hard and spent the first two weeks physically sore.  Like, so sore that my wife laughed when she heard how slowly I was walking down the stairs.

However, by the end of the second week, I could see that the number of steps I took had increased by a huge percentage over the first week.  My friends encouraged me and even gave me some tips as to how to improve.

At the end of each week, we “Cheered” the winner of that WorkWeek Hustle.

That got me thinking....  Is there a way to create a similar type of healthy peer-to-peer competition in the business world?  I believe that there is.

Here is what I learned from Fitbit WorkWeek Challenges and how it can apply to competition among peers who want the best for each other:

1. Healthy competition ends excuse making.

As implied above, when I was invited to compete, I felt an incredible drive to start.  No hesitation, no resistance. I did not care about having to wake up a little earlier, and I found I could workout when I would otherwise be somewhat brain dead. Even going to the gym after a long day was suddenly doable.  In other words, excuses went away.

How many times have we let excuses get in the way of what we know we need to accomplish?

What do you need to improve?

What if you got a small group of peers who were willing to compete with you in that area?  Make sure it is an area that is tangible. For example, a tangible area could be a specific sales number or percentage, the number of calls made, number of minutes spent thinking and brainstorming, number of ways you can encourage team members to excel, etc. Also, make sure it is something that can be done in a short amount of time (a week or so).  The idea is to push yourself, and one another, to really grow.

2. You can play to win even when you really like your competitors and want their good.

When I trained to be a professional tennis player, unless I was playing my tennis partner or someone from my team, I viewed my competitors as neutral “other” figures.  I did not hate them, but neither did I really want their good.  I just wanted to win.

When my doubles partner and I played matches against each other, it was different. Even during the match we would share how each other could improve.  The result was that it would make the matches even better.  We loved the challenge of beating each other at our best.  It was exhilarating.

During the Fitbit challenges, some of my friends have given me tips on how to take more steps.  It has been so encouraging and helpful.

Could you imagine what it would be like if your small competitive group wanted to make the improvements so badly that they pushed each other to improve and grow, even risking losing just to gain mastery in an area?

3. Increased fun.

It has been so much fun busting out a bunch of steps--only to see one of my Fitbit friends blow me out of the water. I can’t help but laugh and realize how much further I have to grow.  What is even more fun is when I outdo them the next time :-)

The same could be true for you and your small group.  Think of how much fun you will have as you each outdo each other.

4. Increased creativity.

When I first started these challenges, I was using strictly the elliptical.  I love the elliptical, but then I discovered I can take more steps per minute on the treadmill, and now the elliptical is a weekend thing, or a short alternative when my left shin feels like it is going to explode.

Being a creature of habit, I never would have come to enjoy the treadmill the way I do, had it not been for the Fitbit WorkWeek Hustle Challenge.

Anticipate that you will get creative in order to beat your peers.  Think of how much productivity that will bring to you.

5. Push myself above what I perceived was a limit.

I work long hours, having back-to-back sessions (face-to-face, Skype, FaceTime, or phone), so the thought of getting to 10k steps per day seemed like a fantasy.

Then I saw that most of my Fitbit friends were nailing their 10k steps, and I knew some of them worked long hours in back-to-back meetings as well.  In fact, some of them were consistently over 15k steps per day.

So I looked for ways to increase it.  Every little bit counted.

Then it happened.  I passed 10k.

So I went for 15k steps per day.  Nailed it the next day when I realized that if I pace during phone calls, it actually helps me to focus and coach better.

Then I wanted to see how far I can go.... I figured I could reach 18k if I went to the gym twice per day and went for a walk with my wife when I got home from work.  I was completely wrong.  I hit 21k steps in a day.

This would not have happened had I not seen Fitbit friends hit 18k-20k steps in a day.

So just think of how you will reach new limits through competing with your peers.  It is incredibly encouraging when you see your peers reach limits that you did not think you would reach.  And it is exhilarating when you blaze the trail by hitting the new limit first.

6. Chance to compete again next time.

With the WorkWeek Hustle lasting only 5 days, you have the chance to compete again next week.  This is a great opportunity to see how you can refine and improve your strategy.

If you are competing against your peers, make sure that the time of each competition is short, to give you plenty of opportunities to refine and implement a new strategy for the next time.

7. Competitors can celebrate together.

What has also been encouraging is to have fellow competitors “Cheer” each other on.  The winner of the week often gets showered with “Cheers.”  Yet, as much as we can be happy for one another, there is naturally a deep desire to beat them next week.

How often do peers cheer you on when you accomplish something?  How often do you cheer peers on?  I am not talking the short bravos that may take place on a team call.  I mean a heartfelt cheer.

Your small group of peers can do that for one another.

Developing a peer group to compete with will create a team of people who want one another’s best, who give each other tips to improve, who cheer one another on, and want to maximize their own abilities.

Chew On This:

• Who are the peers that you will ask to join your company WorkWeek challenge?
• What are the options for tangible areas in which you can compete?

Ryan C. Bailey is an Executive Coach who helps business leaders develop in-demand high performing teams.

How To Be Present During The Holiday Season

I love the holiday season.  It is a time for joy and celebration.  It allows me to spend more time with family and have more relaxed social bonding time with my work team.  There is more laughter and reflection during this time. It is also the time in the calendar year where my heart is divided the most and I wrestle with where to place my energy and focus and presence. Is it the same for you and your team?

On the work side, there are year-end reviews, plans for next year, day-to-day labors, tasks to be completed, projects to wrap up, year end goals to make, and more.

On the home side, there are travel plans, receiving family plans, shopping for presents, decorating the house, kids stressing out over finals, kids on vacation from school (while you are still working), and the myriad of emotions that surround the holiday season.

If we really looked at it, it is exhausting and exciting at the same time.

This pull in emotions and time leads companies to see a drop in productivity during the holidays and rightly so. Less business transactions create greater overall stress. If you are in a business that is heavily based on the holidays, you are putting more hours into work during this time while juggling time with family and friends.

This is a time for most of us where our truest priorities show up.  What we truly value is emphasized and we put off what is less important.

There is a principle here that can help us throughout the calendar year: If we want to be present in the workplace and at home, we have to make hard choices as to what things we are going to focus on.  I suggest that we look at what is most important to our role at work and what is most important for our home life and emphasize that.

1. At work, what is the most important part of your role?  As you process what is most essential in your role, imagine if you went all in there and saw the most success.  How could you emphasize that during the rest of your holiday season? Can other priorities hold off until the new year?

Is it too late? Are there too many other things that have to get done? Then, how could next year’s holiday season be better?

2. At home, what is the most important part of your home life?  How could you go all in there? Where do you need to invest well in your family? In what relationships or settings do you need to be more present?

With both of these questions, look for a theme more than a task.  Look for a way you can get into the groove and stay there.

The most important part of my role at work is to “get to the heart” of my clients’ concerns. During the holiday time when things are slower, I can focus on a key ingredient that helps me get to the heart. For me, that ingredient is building the relationship I have with them. Within that goal, writing holiday cards and setting my clients up to continue the "heart" work in the new year is key.

At home, that same “getting to the heart” priority can shine through.  There, it is about really connecting to my wife’s and children’s hearts and truly listening, enjoying, laughing, and having fun with them. Although we may be doing various tasks, traveling, and celebrating, my focus is always connecting with their hearts.

Chew On This:

• What can I prioritize to be most present both at home and work this holiday season?

Ryan C. Bailey is an Executive Coach who helps business leaders develop in-demand high performing teams.

*This blog is an amalgamation of a few different clients.  No one single client is being singled out.

How I Learned to Grow by Reduction

When I first started off in counseling, I focused on just one thing: helping male porn addicts get real distance from their addiction.  I expected to focus on that for the rest of my career. As I began to work with male porn addicts, I realized a lot of them had wives, and those wives were really hurting.  So the guys would ask me to meet with them.

I eagerly said Yes.

I then spent time researching how to help the spouse of a porn addict.

I also had to learn how to do marriage counseling.

A friend of mine who was a marriage counselor gave me great tips and strategies for marriage counseling, and I dove right in.

As I continued to work with porn addicts and their wives, they began to share how their kids were being impacted by dad’s addiction.

They asked if I could see their kids.

So I eagerly said Yes.

Then I ran off and studied how to work with kids. I hired a mentor who could give me key pointers on facilitating family counseling.

I then began to work with families who were not dealing with a porn addiction.  So I added family counseling to my list of services.

This went on until eventually I was seeing clients:

• Who were depressed
• Who wanted to discover what they are called to do, and how they are designed to do it
• Who were suicidal
• Who were traumatized
• Who were abused
• Whose loved ones had died
• Who were addicted to a drug or to alcohol
• Who struggled with anxiety
• Etc., etc., etc.

Then, my wife discovered an article on coaching and when she finished, she exclaimed, “Ryan read this!.... This is so you!.... You gotta read this!” I was dismissive of the idea of coaching.  However, after pooh-poohing it for awhile, I eventually read the article.

As usual, my wife was right.

So I called former counseling clients who were ideal for coaching, and many signed up.

In time, I saw the same progression in coaching as I had seen in counseling.  I expanded into life coaching, career coaching, couples coaching, executive coaching, business coaching, coaching on writing business plans, and more.

On the advice of a mentor, I created different sites to emphasize these different disciplines.  I also had multiple email addresses.

Soon, however, this became counter-productive.  I found myself getting mixed up, sending clients in one market a message intended for another market. Understandably, this created some brand confusion.

When it became popular to Google someone’s name before choosing to work with them, clients could see all of the different sites under my name, and brand confusion increased.

I wish I could say that I was consistently hitting home runs in all of these areas. Sadly, however, some were only base hits, and still others were misses.

I wanted to do my best to help them, so I undertook a lot of research, hired experts, and began a trial and error process.  I was putting so much effort in so many different directions that my head was starting to spin.  I did not know what to study next.

In essence, I was not running my practice.  My practice was running me.

The Price of Doing Everything

This took a toll on me emotionally. On a typical day, I went from grief counseling in the first session, to brainstorming on a major initiative with a division leader of a Fortune 500 company, to helping a small business owner learn how to use Google Calendar in the third, to confronting lies that an addict client was trying to sell me in the fourth, and then talking a client down from suicide in the fifth.

My hours got longer.

Yes, my practice was doing well financially, but the personal cost was great.  

I gained a lot of weight, saw my wife and kids less, saw my friends even less (increased isolation is not a good thing for an ENFJ).

Then my coach gave me the book Essentialism by McKeown.  This book teaches that we all need to discover our essential intent, and then we need to put all of our energy into that essential intent.  This leads to much higher productivity, true meaningful success, and fun, all while reducing the amount of decisions you have to make (aka stress).

So what is an essential intent?  “An essential intent, on the other hand, is both inspirational and concrete, both meaningful and measurable.  Done right, an essential intent is one decision that settles one thousand later decisions. It’s like deciding you’re going to become a doctor instead of a lawyer.  One strategic choice eliminates a universe of other options and maps a course for the next five, ten, or even twenty years of your life.  Once the big decision is made, all subsequent decisions come into better focus (Essentialism).”

Discovering my Essential Intent

When I looked at all I did, and I looked at the themes that made the home runs the home runs, I realized what they all had in common:  I was using my gift for getting to the heart.  That is, I was able to help my clients get to the beliefs that fueled their issues.  Once the beliefs were nailed, we developed strategies and plans around those beliefs.  Coaching and counseling clients found true lasting change.  They experienced meaningful success with far fewer burdens than they had before.

To make sure that “getting to the heart” was truly my essential intent, I emailed clients who had experienced home runs through the work we did together, and I asked them, “What is the one thing I do that has been most helpful to you?”  The overwhelming response could be summarized as “getting to the heart." That was great confirmation.

Now that I know my essential intent is “getting to the heart,” my stress levels have come down tremendously.

I have learned graciously to say No to anything that bypasses first getting to the heart --usually by offering the name of someone who could help better than I can.

I have organized all that I do around the theme of getting to the heart, which also means that I am improving that skill.  I am developing a natural strength, and I can’t begin to tell you how cool it is to do what I do best, even better.

I am working fewer hours, accomplishing meaningful goals, making more profit, and beginning to feel like I am finally living.

My coaching clients (and counseling clients, for that matter) are reaching their goals faster than they used to.  They are executing better, in part because we are nailing the root better.

The same thing has happened with the speaking gigs.  When a client says they want to do a workshop on “team building,” I ask better questions, questions that help them get to the heart of what they mean when they say “team building.”  Then I design the workshop around the deepest part of their heart’s desired outcome.

This has led to creating workshops that sizzle now more than they ever have.

I teach my clients the concepts from McKeown's book, Essentialism, and watch them finally attain the work/life balance they’ve wanted. I’ve seen them achieve incredible goals, such as doubling the size of a Fortune 500 division in under four years, and achieving four significant promotions in four years.  Many are reporting to me that their teams are succeeding much better, and with fewer burdens.

How about you?

What is your essential intent?  Here are some questions that might help you discover it:

• Look at the greatest successes you’ve had. What did they have in common?  What did you do in each of those successes that was similar?
• What do you naturally do better than others?  How about across time?  What things have you naturally done better across your life?
• Ask stakeholders, clients, vendors, peers, and others with whom you’ve had home runs:  “What is the one thing I do that has been most helpful to you?”

Chew On This:

• What would life be like if you were living in your strike zone 80% of the time?

Ryan C. Bailey is an Executive Coach who helps business leaders develop in-demand high performing teams.

*This blog is an amalgamation of a few different clients.  No one single client is being singled out.

Five Small Steps to Get Your Passion Back

Life has become a matter of existing.  It has become a matter of fulfilling obligations.  Joy is fleeting.  Passion is waning.

Here are 5 small steps to get your passion back:

• Start a Gratitude Chronicle

One of the reasons why our drive diminishes is that we are so focused on the bad that we don’t take the time to see all the good that is happening around us.  We need a tool to remind ourselves to be grateful.

On a Google Doc or some other web-based word processing document, take a little bit of time every day to describe, in detail, one time when you were really grateful for something.  Perhaps you were incredibly grateful when a dark time ended, when you received a gift that really hit home, or when a deal landed “from out of nowhere."  Whatever the reason, write one story every day of a time when you felt grateful.

In order for this to work, you need to describe not only the facts of the story, but what you felt about those facts.

When you run out of stories, just start making lists of what you are grateful for.  Don’t take anything for granted (i.e. Did you sleep on a bed? Have you eaten?  Do you have decent clothes?). As you remember that you are not entitled to any of the things you have been given, your heart will start to melt.

Now, whenever you are starting to go negative, turn to your smartphone, bring up the document, and read some of the accounts of times when you were grateful.  Afterwards, take the occasion to add to your list the things you can be grateful for at that moment.

• Simplify the business

Many business leaders have spent so much time putting out fires that they have “forgotten” why they got in the business in the first place.

What was your vision for your role when you first started?  Has your vision evolved?  Take small steps towards nailing your vision and you will see drive come back.

After nailing the vision, look at how you spent your time over the last week or two.  How much of that time was spent on the core part of that vision?

Have you been trading what is essential for what is urgent, but not essential?

It is time to get back to basics.  If you knew there would be no negative consequences to your spending the vast majority of time doing what you do best to drive the greatest results, how would you spend that time?

Now develop a transition plan to get there.  You will need to delegate, delete, diminish or delay certain tasks.  Get on it as fast as possible.

Know that something is going to have to drop.  Don’t let it be what is essential in favor of what is urgent.  Choosing the urgent is probably what zaps your energy the most.

Proceed with the transition in small steps.  See if you can free up just five minutes from the urgent to give back to the essential.  Once you start, it will be addicting.  You will become proactive, and most of your day will be spent building the business instead of putting out fires.

• Really connect to others.

Here is a novel concept....  When was the last time you really connected at a heart level to someone else?  That is, you just let yourself be, and they let themselves be--no marketing.... no positioning.... no façades.... no hiding....  You just let yourself be.

For most of us, we have given up on having those types of relationships.  We are too busy.  We have too much anxiety.  We are scared of being judged.

If you are married, I bet deep down, your spouse longs for this with you.

If you are not married, who can you go deep with?

Once again, start small.  Don’t verbally vomit everything that you’ve been hiding.  Start with being real for a little bit with someone you want to get closer to.  See how they respond.  Once you get going you will find it refreshing.

• Make time for once-loved hobbies.

What did you used to love to do that you have not done in awhile?  For me, it is tennis.  I used to play all weekend in my teens and 20’s.

What is a small step you can take to get that back in your life?  I have not touched a racquet in 10 years.  I can start by spending 5-10 mins per week hitting against a wall and building on that until I get my game back.  What’s your version?

Taking small steps is the key to getting your drive back.  Just five minutes will generate momentum to help you come back to life.

Chew On This:

• Which of the five steps will you start with today?

Ryan C. Bailey is an Executive Coach who helps business leaders develop in-demand high performing teams.