Welcome back to the fourth and final part of our series on How to Be Authentic! If you missed Part 1, Part 2, or Part 3, feel free to go back and read those now. This last post dives into steps 4-6 on how to build authenticity in such a way that you can be true to yourself and still connect with others. Let’s dive in!
4. Rather than changing yourself to fit in with what you sense or believe others demand of you, look for genuine connection points instead.
Start by putting on your curiosity hat and asking others about themselves. Some easy questions you can ask to engage others include:
What brought you to this company?
What parts of your current role do you like and dislike?
If you could get paid to do anything you wanted, what would you do?
What do you like to do for fun?
What was your favorite part of being a kid?
As you listen, search for points in their story that are common to your story or to any of your various faces. Then relate to them, starting from that basis: “Oh, you grew up in the countryside? I did too! We actually owned a cow and a couple chickens.”
As you do this, trust will begin to grow.
As a side note: as trust grows with time, the person you talk to will likely risk sharing more about themselves. Either you can relate to them or you cannot. Do not lie to build false connection, e.g. saying “I totally love tennis” when you do not!
If you cannot connect with what someone shares, you can still actively listen and keep exploring with more curiosity-driven questions. For example: “I’m actually not as big into tennis, or most sports, to be honest! I’m pretty uncoordinated. But I love how passionate you are about it! What parts of tennis do you love?”
5. If you are addressing others in a group, look for something everyone has in common, something the team values as a whole. Relate to the group there.
For example, does everyone on your team value relationships over results? If so, tap into the relational side of you and emphasize that aspect when addressing the entire team. You could reference results, but results would not be primary.
Note also that you do not have to force yourself to become a master of relationships in this example - as doing so would be inauthentic! But you should rely more heavily on some relational faces that you have, which would allow you to build connection while remaining authentic.
The goal is to develop points common to the overall team, same as in step 4.
6. Lastly, recognize that some faces will be more appropriate than others, depending on the context.
In addition to being a corporate coach, Korean-cuisine chef-wannabe, and Chopin fangirl, I have two other faces: (1) I’m a huge data nerd, and (2) I love cute stationery. :)
Let’s go back to my high school days to illustrate. Let’s say an artsy kid mentioned that she is absolutely loving her new stationery collection. I should connect with her authentically on our mutual love of pretty paper. But I would not want to start off the relationship by saying that I’m a huge data nerd, as that is a face of myself that the artsy girl would likely not be able to connect with initially.
However, once more trust is built between us and a foundational relationship is established, I would then later be able to share with my friend that I am a huge data nerd. She might not be able to relate, but she would accept that as another part of me.
In this way, authenticity and connection can grow hand-in-hand. You learn to embrace and build on similarities while introducing the new and differing facets of yourself.
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Those are all 6 steps to growing your authenticity! What step would increase your current level of authenticity the most?
As always, if you have any questions, please let me know at megan@ryancbailey.com. Happy to connect!