After we’ve completed a Myers-Briggs training with a team or department, the emails that come in after the training usually have way more to do with relationships outside of work than inside of work. People want to understand their spouses, children, and friends way more.
That’s a great sign! What you learn professionally can help personally, and what you learn personally can help professionally. We encourage Myers-Briggs in both spheres.
If you want to use Myers-Briggs more in your personal life, one of the first things we usually recommend is to ask openly if the personal relationship (spouse, child, friend) is willing to take a Myers-Briggs test. Of course, the real version is the most accurate and gives the most tailored information, but sites like truity.com or 16personalities.com can also be very helpful, especially if the person is able to identify that their description fits them with over 80% accuracy.
Hopefully, they will share their report with you, and you can share your report with them. Talking through each other’s strengths and weaknesses will help us understand each other better.
Now look at the relationship. How can you strengthen what is going really well by using more of what comes naturally to each of you because of your personality type? Focusing on the strengths will help bring the relationship to a new level.
As you read each others’ personality types, make a list of the things that could be or have been obstacles to a great, close relationship (i.e unresolved conflicts, things we don’t like about the other, etc.). If you see those traits in the description, note that they are not trying to annoy you or hurt you, but rather they are acting from their default. Sometimes knowing that leads to forgiveness, which clears the obstacles immediately.
As you interact, see if there are ways to feed the other’s personality strengths. So for example, ENFPs are excellent communicators. Asking them about what matters to them will lead them to talk more, and they naturally get excited more. This will enhance your relationship with them, because they can tell that you care enough to ask.
You can also help each other contain your weaknesses. For example, ENFPs are notorious for not being organized. If one of your strengths is organizing or if you do it better than they do, you can offer to help organize things while they help you with one of your weaknesses. This leads each of you to appreciate the differences between you so much better. It also is a way to show them compassion and understanding while being flexible.
Chew On This:
Which personal relationship do you currently most want to improve?
If you could wave a magic wand, what would this relationship look like to you and to the other person? What is missing that you want to explore using Myers-Briggs?
Ryan C. Bailey & Associates is an organizational effectiveness firm focused on equipping leaders to develop in-demand high-performing teams to increase the health and effectiveness of the greater organization.
*This blog is an amalgamation of a few different clients. No client is being singled out.