Whenever we give negative feedback, we rely on what we believe about the person receiving the feedback.
If we don’t like them, if we don’t believe they are the right person for the job, if we are judging them, that will show up during the feedback meeting (subtly or obviously) - and can lead to unwanted consequences. If, however, we believe in them, have established a trusting relationship with them, and desire their growth, then we can communicate feedback in positive ways. A key first step: decide what you truly believe about the person receiving your feedback.
Next, ask them about their perspective before you share your feedback. Listen to their side. Get curious. Ask questions. Make it a dialogue. Make sure you are exercising high emotional intelligence so the person feels respected as you listen. Talk through their decision-making steps, the “why” behind what they do. Exemplify vulnerability by sharing your own mistakes and being genuine. Foster trust. Empathize.
Next, we need to take personality type into consideration.
Feelers tend to globalize criticism until they know that they’re in harmony with the person giving the feedback. Talk about how, if they change, they will make a positive impact on their people. Add a statement to a Feeler like, “I am for you and want to help... Are there any obstacles...?”
Thinkers tend to get defensive when they believe their competency is being attacked or questioned. Show them how they are valuable, then give direct, fact-based, fair insights that will show them how to improve. It might be, “You bring value, and I know you have expertise... Are there any obstacles...?”
Sensors may want more detail.
iNtuitives may want you to focus more on the big picture.
Let’s bring these tips together and look at an example:
What was said:
“You haven’t met your targets. I’m concerned it is going to drag down the team’s performance.”
What it could be replaced with:
“You haven’t met your targets, but I know how hard you have been working. Are there any obstacles in your way that I can help with?”
If you notice in the second version, the speaker was clear about what was off. They spotted the good in the situation. And they asked a question that showed they support the one receiving the feedback, in a way that also opened up a conversation.
These additions will help the negative feedback to be received as a positive and constructive growth experience. You’ll motivate the person to make changes, rather than discourage them.
Now, if the person has no desire to change, then this experience will not go well. In that case, future steps may need to be taken. The important piece is that you’ve done everything on your side to promote the desire to change.
Chew On This:
Think of a person you need to give feedback to. What do you believe about the person receiving your feedback? What parts of your belief are off?
What specifically needs to change?
What’s one key evidence you have of the undesired behavior?
What are they doing well?
What’s the opening paragraph you want to convey to the person that will help them to see that you are for them and want to help them grow?
Ryan C. Bailey & Associates is an organizational effectiveness firm focused on equipping leaders to develop in-demand high-performing teams to increase the health and effectiveness of the greater organization.
*This blog is an amalgamation of a few different clients. No client is being singled out.